I’m Not Out of Control, I Just Have Delayed Gratification Issues.

I went “stay at home dad” a few years ago, and unwittingly entered into the world of too much food, too much coffee, too much booze, and too much TV.

If you’re considering the world of at-home parenting, hide the chips man, it’s super hard.

Toughest thing for me is the lack of “wins.” I used to run my own business. I could regularly measure my successes. At the end of most weeks, I could sit back and say, “well done.”

This? I’m just happy that I’m not incarcerated at the end of the day.

I constantly break up fights, repeat myself over and over again, get critiqued daily for my poor choice of menu options, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. There are few wins here, so when I get some down time I want to escape, fast.

Enter food, coffee, booze, TV, and a whole new level of angry-chubby.

I’ve always been delayed gratification (DG) challenged, but it’s off the hook in this, the darkest hour of my life. The idea that I need to feel some discomfort now, so that I can feel good later, doesn’t make as much sense as feeling good now…

…which leads to more discomfort later, which leads to another big boy pour – wash, rinse, repeat. Continue reading I’m Not Out of Control, I Just Have Delayed Gratification Issues.

What My Mid-Life Crisis is Teaching Me About Everyone Else’s Mid Life Crisis: An Open Letter From a 51 Year Old Depressed Fat Guy

Turns out it’s not a crisis, sort of.

For a lot of us guys, this phenomenon is part of a timeline that goes something like this:

Go to college, party, chase girls, feel like a man, talk about all the money we’ll make when we graduate and get a real job
Get a real job, usually sitting behind a desk, making more money than we had in college, comparing our salary/material gains to everyone else’s
Get married, have kids
Struggle with drinking, porn, infidelity, etc., and/or
get a Harley, fast car, take up a new and somewhat dangerous sport, etc.

By the time the affair/Harley comes out, we’ve gained a ton of weight, we’re battling depression, and we don’t look nearly as man-like as we used to. But, like grandma’s pool-chalk eye shadow, it’s not how you look, it’s how you think you look. I always thought the old, fat guy in the Camaro looked kind of stupid, and desperate.

Now I understand.

MLC’s don’t happen because of our age, and they don’t appear out of thin air. The desires/passions/whatever have always been there – maybe since day 1. We just stuffed ’em for awhile – usually out of some cultural expectation to become a quieter, more predictable, docile version of ourselves. But the older and more confident we become, the less sense it makes to keep repressing what’s inside.

Who knows where this desire came from. It might be cultural, or maybe it comes from ages of building log cabins, fending off the bad guys, tilling the fields, and generally being needed/relied upon for our strength. Might be both. Maybe, in time, as men continue to evolve into God-knows-what, it’ll all wear off.

But for now, rest assured ladies, it’s real. Continue reading What My Mid-Life Crisis is Teaching Me About Everyone Else’s Mid Life Crisis: An Open Letter From a 51 Year Old Depressed Fat Guy

Before You Judge Others, You First Have to Lie to Yourself

I like to judge people.

It gives me a momentary “rush,” makes me feel good about myself, because, if nothing else, at least I’m better than the person I’m judging.

I’m not sure how I got here. Most of my thoughts about myself aren’t good ones. I don’t feel like a good parent, a good spouse, a good blogger, a good Christian, etc. One of the only times I do feel good about myself is when I see someone do something stupid and think “hey, at least I’m not as bad as that guy.”

But that’s crap – I do stupid things all the time. I could provide a very long, very entertaining list of stupid things I’ve done recently but I’m too embarrassed, too worried that you’ll judge me and stop reading my blog. For now, I’ll leave you with the illusion that I’m not a complete dumbass.

Turns out that you can’t judge others and not do the same to yourself. Maybe that’s what Jesus meant when he said “If you judge others, you’ll be judged.” It’s so true. The harsh judgments I pass on others come right back around, almost immediately, like an old, scraggly dog you just can’t get rid of.

Two Lies, Actually

To judge others, I have to firmly believe in two things that aren’t true.

Lie #1 – I’m better than everyone else

I regularly pass judgment on people who are overweight, which is interesting because I’ve spent the majority of my adult life wrapped in 40 extra pounds. Continue reading Before You Judge Others, You First Have to Lie to Yourself