I recently watched a friend do something stupid to another friend, but friend #1, clearly in the wrong, won’t apologize.
I’ve been there. I’m married with kids, a former pastor and business owner, surrounded by opportunities to screw up, rarely feeling like I should apologize when I do. But I’ve never sat down and pondered on why apologizing is so hard – why us ‘Mericans do it so infrequently; why, so many times, we’ll let a relationship end before we’ll say our “sorrys.”
It’s not because we don’t know how to make an apology.
We hate apologizing because it hurts to feel “wrong.” We need to feel “right,” like we’re one of the few good people in the world. That’s why we’re living with so much political anger – it’s not about the issues, or the candidates, our anger is about us feeling like our side is right and the other side’s wrong.
If feels good, especially for people who typically feel bad about themselves. I”m in that boat. I’ve met few who aren’t.
I’d say that our need to feel right is so strong that it scares us to admit when we’re not. It’s frightening to be vulnerable, to let people see our weakness – our dark side(s).
We frequently say that pride gets in the way of a good apology, but I think fear is the culprit. We don’t apologize because we’re scared – we lack the courage to do the right thing Continue reading The Importance of Saying I’m Sorry