I’ve spent most of my life believing that my situation(s) determine(s) my ability to be happy – the right job, a great marriage, money, etc, and I’ve had several careers as a result.
But finding peace has always been a struggle for me.
I’ve had some fun moments and learned a ton of things that haven’t really helped in my latest career – stay at home dad. But there’s always been this nagging compulsion to change everything as soon as I start feeling bad about my life. Feeling like I can’t be happy until things change has always made me unhappy, especially when I can’t change things.
My thinking about all of this took a hit in my late 40’s when I was assaulted in a men’s airport restroom.
I left my wife at the gate with 3 crazy kids and hurried off to the bathroom hoping to be back in time to board. This particular facility was attended by an older (soon-to-be elderly) man of Middle Eastern descent.
I’ve got some pictures in my head of what retirement will look like. At worst I’ll be handing out carts at WalMart by day, living in a retirement community that surrounds a golf course in Florida, sipping Grand Marnier and smoking house-rolled cigars in the evening while watching Lost re-runs. Bathroom attendant? Not on the table.
This guy said nothing and everything to me. He had an air of respect, and a sense of peace about him as he looked me in the eye and said “have a nice day” as I was leaving. I turned around and put some money in his tip jar. His counter was perfectly arranged – combs, towels, cologne, some other things.
He taught me a ton about finding peace.
He seemed to be happy – working in an airport restroom – all. day. long. Funny how we can sense when someone’s happy. Like dogs smell fear, people smell peace. This guy had it in spades – you couldn’t get past him without getting it all over you.
I’ve been a pastor, pilot, restaurant manager, banker, and now I have 5 hours five days a week to kick back while my kids are at school and my wife goes off to support us all financially. He’s happy and I’m not? Something’s missing – he’s got something I don’t have. If it’s within his grasp it must be within mine.
In that moment I decided to start looking around at the things that are going well, the things I should be thankful for. As I did I began to realize that expecting-things-to-change-before-I-can-be-happy is a truly miserable way to live.
The more I flex this muscle the more I’m able to be happy even when things aren’t going well. When the kids are crazy, when my wife and I are fighting, when I screw up and everyone’s talking about it, when I walk out of the doctor’s office with a diagnosis for arthritis – when my life seems like an endless day in a restroom, I can still be thankful, and at peace.
I’m new to this and sometimes not very good at it. But I’m slowly learning that, somehow every day, I have everything I need to be at peace. The only thing that needs to change is my attitude.
It’s a new thought for me – I’ll never be at a place in life where I can’t find a sense of peace. I’ll never not be able to be happy.
Finding peace might be difficult, but it’s becoming more difficult to make excuses.
So, thank you nameless guy who’s face I’ll never forget. Our 20 second encounter, and the way you’re living your life has incited me to change mine – to get rid of some caustic attitudes, to open my eyes about what’s truly good and beautiful.
You slapped me in the face with your peace, your self-dignity, and your respect, and got some on me. Didn’t see that one coming.
Just started following you and I have to say, I love this blog!! Such clarity and positivity – a joy to read. Keep it coming Mark 🙂
Thanx so much for reading and for the encouragement. Will do!
Great post Mark! Really great perspective. Hope you all are well. Eudora st misses you.
Hey! Thanx man – we miss you guys too. Nice huge house across the street 🙂
The Christian radio station I listen to also talked about the importance of gratitude today.
Hmmm, I think God is trying to get my attention. I, too, have been slow in learning gratitude. I am so glad you shared your story. It will be a great reminder for me when I am feeling miserable for no good reason!!!
So great to hear – thanx for reading!
Loved this. Sharing on facebook.com/ontheyellowcouch on 11/14.
Thanx!!!
“Feeling like I can’t be happy until things change has always made me unhappy, especially when I can’t change things.” I’ve done so much of this in the past three (not so) miserable years and it rang so true. Bless you, that’s a wonderful post you’ve got there. Thanks for following my blog, too. And yes, nice to see a stay at home dad–we don’t have very many of those in my country !
Shared it on FB.
Really really great. We all need attitude adjustments and people who do well in life are responsive to them, like yourself.
You’ve got a great voice and I really enjoyed reading this. My husband and I struggle with similar feelings and I firmly believe that the “I’ll finally be happy if x would just happen” mentality is hugely damaging. Because it never ends. Because there is always something more you could want and because it removes you from having to be responsible for finding your own happiness in this moment, just the way it is.
“It never ends”. Great point.
Love this post! Can’t wait to read more. 🙂
Great! Thanx for reading.
Thanx! Great to have you.
Hello Mark, greetings from Scotland. I like this blog very much as I suffer from the same need to make everything right for me.
You’ve recently signed up for my blog – I hope it’s some use to you.
Blessings and thanks.
Mike
Thanx for reading Mike, look forward to more from you as well.
Great post! Funny how our most ground breaking moments are in the mundane parts of life. Thanks for the follow!
Good thing, I’ve got plenty of mundaneness to go around. Let me know if you want to borrow some. Thanx for reading!
Love this!
Thanx for reading!
Beautiful, I think I need to be slapped by him too
Ha – I’ll let him know you’re coming
Love, love, love. P x x x
Sometimes we find our small treasures in life through others. This person was your treasure to wake up and realize, life is not slowing down therefore you must appreciate every spectacle there is to it. Great post!
Great thought – I’d say the greatest things in life by far have been people, some of the worst things too 🙂
My favorite quote in the Bible is from Paul when he stood before King Agrippa. He said, “I count myself happy.” I like to paraphrase it with, “I’m a HAPPY man O’ King Agrippa.” Even in the midst of the mess he had a right heart.
Yep – great example – I’d say his life was a tad bit more difficult than mine.
Peace comes from within….. 🙂
So true –
Mark – Your blog is delightful, real, and gives us a full serving of something worth reading. Thanks, too, for the “like” on my “Girls Don’t Play Drums” blog. It’s appreciated.
Cathy
You bet! Thanx for checking in.
This came at a good time. Earlier this week two things happened that opened my eyes. I’ve had the right attitude before, but I lost it when I lost my job a few years ago. I’ve been fighting my way back.
Thanks for the testimony and reminder and encouragement and hope.
So sorry to hear about your job, but thanx for your thoughts. Mark
The honesty of this post hit me hard. It’s true–we all wait for the “I’ll be happy when…” and we forget to look into our lives to notice all our blessings. It’s like we don’t know we’re happy when the happy times are happening. We’re too distracted, too focused on the future. They pass too quickly and then they become mere memories of the “good ole times” yet they weren’t even fully enjoyed. It’s a sad thought. Thank you for sharing your story. It definitely opened my eyes.
So good to hear Melissa – thanx for checking in
I’ve never gotten a message from a bathroom before, but this is a big one. I’m not sure why this message comes later in life but maybe you have to walk those hills and valleys before you realize it is mostly mental and you have choices. Does that arthritis keep you from taking a walk and enjoying nature or do you walk and know if you can feel a few twinges you must be alive and that’s a good thing. 🙂
another great post. Sometimes I think the simple trick is to be happy instead of trying to find happiness. To do this you have to discover what (and who) truly makes you happy. A written list works so you can read it out loud to yourself when needed. When you feel yourself drifting to where you are again searching for happiness, get out the list and rediscover the happiness you already have. Whoa, sorry, got carried away there!
Ah, you discovered the secret. Choice about one’s engagement with life is a superpower.
From one stay at home dad, to another, nicely done, or, well, ok, not done, but really great start, and story.
Jerry
Ha- thanx jerry.
This was a great post. Things should feel like I’m on top of the world – Great salary, lots of flexibility at work, great reputation, wonderful wife and kids… And yet I am often feeling unfulfilled.
At the same time, I’ve bounced from one hobby to the next pouring everything into it only to drop it in 3 months. What’s the trick to looking at life and saying, “Life is good.” Maybe I need a men’s restroom revelation.
Additionally, Thanks for reading one of my posts on my page.
Inspiring narrative about the “assault” of gratitude! Relevant and authentic. Loved it! And thank you for following my blog. Looking forward to more posts!
Hi, you started to follow me on my blog. I stopped by to see who you are and was so pleasantly surprised. I love your posting. A good reminder when we go through troubled times to be grateful for what where we are and what we have.
Hey – thanks for following!
Wonderful post! And thanks for the new follow. Dad is the best and most important job you’ll have! But every day the right attitude is really a choice isn’t it? Even when some days are harder than others 😉
Never to late to realize all we need for happiness is already inside us. Get rid of the junk and there it is. Many your blessings continue to be many.
Oh the mens bathroom. Make sure the stall has toilet paper or people will wonder why you are wearing only one sock. Make sure the floor is dry or people will wonder why your cuffs are wet when it isn’t raining. Make sure the edge of the sink is dry or people will humiliate you as it would appear you peed on yourself. Thanks visit my blog.
A few things I learned long ago. Live for today for it is the only one you have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never be.
Happiness is a choice. Your post nailed it.
Do not let others determine how you will approach your day.
Amen!
Wonderful! I lived in Cairo, work in an airport and you are so right. My most eye opening discovery was when the nurse who saved my life in Cairo (septicemia/cat bite) spent about a month’s wages cooking me a paltry feast in her barely furnished family apartment with running sewage in the hallway – and she was full of optimism.
yeah, that’s uncomfortably convicting. Thanx for sharing that.
Mark
It’s easy to get stuck in that mind set! The other one that’s taken me a while to learn is that I’ll never “have time” for anything and I have to find / make / wring time out of thin air to do the things I enjoy.
“Finding Life-Change in a Men’s Restroom” – great post!. Keep writing. Thank you for stopping by on mine. (Kris)