Life is a Book, Not a Chapter

In a recent roundtable discussion with Robert DeNiro, Shia Labeof, Adam Sandler, Jamie Foxx, and Adam Driver (see full video below), Tom Hanks dropped some wisdom that would change my life if I really believed it.

It’s amazing to listen to these people talk about their craft in a way that makes acting sound like an everyday vocation. They live with fear and disappointment, they go home after a shoot kicking themselves for not performing well. It’s hard to feel sorry for them, but I’m not sure their life is as glorious as we make it out to be.

You should watch it if you get a chance.

In the video, Tom Hanks said “This too shall pass,” a phrase we’ve all heard before, but he put a spin on it that I’ve never considered:

You feel bad right now? You feel pissed off? You feel angry?
This too shall pass.
You feel great? You feel like you know all the answers?
You feel like everybody finally gets you?
This too shall pass.

It’s nice to know that I’m not the only person who experiences life in “chapters.” Tom Hanks, and all the other people seated around him, seem to be travelling down the same road, with similar ups and downs: one chapter with lots of friends, fun, influence, resources, etc., then, poof, we’re all scratching our heads wondering where it wall went.

“I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend.” ~ James Taylor

This helps me to have a little hope during the downhills, or simply sit back and enjoy the good moments without worrying how to make them stay, or feeling like a loser when it’s time to transition into a chapter that’s not so fun.

And when things feel impossible, like it’ll never change, like the only way out is to do something stupid, that too shall pass.

Mr. Hanks finished his thought with this:

Time is your ally, and if nothing else, just wait.
Just wait it out.

As I write, there’s something looming over my head, stressing me out. In 10 short days I’ll know if things are going to move forward, or if the time and energy I’ve expended over the past few months are going to be a complete waste. But it’s not me who’ll suffer, it’s one of my kids; she’ll be heartbroken if this doesn’t go, and I’ll forever feel like I should’ve worked harder.

I’m not good at managing my kids’ dissapointments. This one will be a doozie.

In general, when I look into my future, with all of its frightening unknowns, time is no ally. It’s simply one more element of the cosmos that doesn’t seem to like me. But if I reflect on the entirety of my life – the ups and the downs – the face of time gets a little more friendly. I certainly haven’t been given the life I envisioned, but it has been full of beauty, magic, intimacy, maybe a little glory here and there, all held together by the mortar of disappointment, mundanity, embarassment, stupidity, and at a few times, utter horror.

In my opinion, time is a river of sorts that flows where it wants to, but not randomly or without purpose. We’re all heading in roughly the same direction, our lives unfolding as we go: Tom and Huck on a raft, nothing happening apart from this mighty river that does whatever the hell it wants to.

I’ll admit that I have some fear of it. Even when things are peaceful, I worry about when/how they will end. I’ve seen enough pain and loss to know that they come part and parcel with this place, and will, on occasion, swim up to my rickety raft and try to take a bite. I’m lucky to have survived. Some haven’t.

You can’t blame me for characterizing the whole ride by it’s worst moments. My soul wants to prepare me for the next bad thing, so I live regularly at DEFCON 2, convinced that the next crododile is lurking just around the corner.

On the other hand, when I judge my life by all the chapters, it hasn’t been that bad. Sure, when I’m in one of those parts where the hero can’t seem to keep his head above water, it’s hard to consider all of the other chapters, or that a better one might be on its way.

It’s almost impossible on those pages to believe that the story is good.

So, it’s important for me to stop on occassion and re-read the book, especially when the story goes dark, to remember that I’m in the middle of one that I truly don’t want to put down.