Dating Advice from a Married Religious Person Who Sucked at Dating

When I was in grad school I had a crush on a girl who I thought had a crush on me. When I asked her out in the library she squirmed a bit and said, “Hmmm… I’ll need to pray about that.”

I said, “Oh, yeah, OK” and walked away feeling like the biggest idiot this side of the Mississippi.

A few days later, while I was studying in same said library, a girl I knew walked by and asked me if I was going to go on a school-sponsored trip to Mexico. I said I had a ton to do and wouldn’t be able to make it.

We talked for a bit about life. She said she was taking a break from med school to take a few missionary classes at our seminary.

When our conversation wrapped up, she walked away and I thought “wow, that was the most amazing conversation I’ve ever had.” To this day I can’t get that girl out of my mind.

And you can bet your ass I went on that Mexico trip.

When I came home from the trip, Prayer girl decided that she wanted to date me, so we started hanging out. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Amazing girl.

Questionable at best to date one girl while being interested in another – but these were my days of confusion.

And I’ll never forget the night I decided to break up with Prayer girl and start dating Amazing girl. Read more

What Almost 20 Years of Marriage Finally Taught Me About the Worst Parts of Marriage

My wife is one of the best people I know.  And hot.

Still, marriage is one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted.  It’s that way for everyone.  I’ve never met anyone who’s been married longer than 10 years who hasn’t considered divorce at some point.

There were a few times in the early years of our life together that I thought I had married the wrong person.  There were things about my wife that took me completely by surprise – things that I had a super hard time dealing with.

It’s that way for everyone.  I’ve never met anyone who’s been married longer than 10 years who hasn’t run into something about their spouse that they really don’t like.

The picture of marriage that our culture paints over and over again drives me crazy.  You fall in love with your soul mate and enter eternal bliss where you fall more madly in love each sparkly sun-filled morning.  I’ve never met anyone who’s experienced that.  I have however met a ton of newlyweds, or folks who’ve been married less than a year, who have this vision firmly cemented in their minds.

Bad Relationship?

I’m now almost 20 years into this marriage thing and finally discovered something that I wish hadn’t taken almost 20 years to discover.

What I hate most about my wife has almost nothing to do with my wife.

At multiple points in my before-married life I was mistreated by people close to me.  If you’re an earthling, you’re pre-married life went the same way.  It’s impossible to make it to adulthood without getting hurt – really bad, really frequently.

The majority of us don’t deal with this well, and enter into married life with a mountain of accumulated, unaddressed damage.  And when someone comes along and rubs their finger in it (enter our lovely spouses), we feel pain. Read more