Month: September 2018

What the #MeToo Movement Implies About Men in America

The biggest complaint I hear about the #metoo movement is that women shouldn’t have this kind of power.

Nobody should have the ability to simply utter something that could ruin a person’s career. But that’s what’s happening. Judge Kavanaugh’s name has been dragged through the mud, so has Donald Trump’s, and a host of other powerful/famous people.

Many claim that these women are merely seeking fame, or hate their victims, or both.

For me, there are two things about the #metoo movement that I never hear, two things that, in my opinion, stink to high heaven.

First, where are the lawsuits?

Crying “sexual harassment,” especially if it never happened, is something that can get you in a ton of trouble. Donald Trump could easily turn around and ruin you financially if he wanted to. Brett Kavanaugh could do the same.

Why don’t they?

If I had a career that could be ruined by an accusation like this, I’d seek legal action. I’d do everything in my power to clear my name, prove my innocence, and hold onto my career – unless I was guilty, then I’d do everything in my power to steer clear of these people, lie to my fans, and try to move forward.

In this #metoo movement, to my knowledge, there have been 0 lawsuits.

The second thing that stinks is the very popular declaration that these women have no evidence and therefore shouldn’t have a voice, or the power that comes with it.

And this is where things get downright silly to me. I hear, over and over again, because of the lack of evidence: “These women are lying,” and, “All they want is fame/power/revenge, etc.”

True enough that there’s a dirth of evidence in all of this – you can’t convict Judge Kavanaugh on someone’s word, even if there are three someones. But, apparently, you can convict these women of lying based on the same lack of evidence.

I’m begging – If we can’t convict someone like Brett Kavanaugh because there’s not enough evidence, can we please stop calling these women liars – there’s no evidence there either. We should be Continue reading What the #MeToo Movement Implies About Men in America

Re Your Kids: Never Quit. Never Ever Quit. Never Ever Ever Quit

If you’re not in your 50’s yet, I promise that by the time you get there you’ll have heard tons of stories about parents who, faced with the rigors of parenting, threw in the towel. They didn’t go away physically, they simply decided enough was enough, and emotionally detached from their relationship with their kids.

And man do I get it.

And I don’t have teenagers, though they’re coming like God’s justice.

And I find myself constantly asking, when my kids hit their teens, will I quit?

I could give you a very long list of personal, very painful quitting stories. Near the top is the time I attempted to start my own church. I gave it hell, spent a year out of state training for the venture (thanx Fellowship Associates!!), raised enough money to pay the bills for 3 years (thanx you-know-who-you-are!!), and started off pretty great. At the end of it all, my mentors and I decided it was time to “transition” out of the very small church that came to be after a couple of years.

I have bad memories of the early Sunday AM when I walked to the school where our church was meeting and taped the “sorry, outta here” sign on the double doors to the gym, then walked home to begin the difficult journey of patching up the marriage that was struggling b/c I spent every waking moment perseverating about the church (thanx wife, for putting up with all that).

There’s a shorter list of the times I didn’t quit, a few episodes where I pushed through tons-o-muck to reap what lay on the other side. It’s fascinating that I don’t regret any of the pain, lack of hope, relational hardship, etc. that always comes part and parcel to perseverance. I’m left with only fond memories, mainly because the good stuff has always redeemed the bad, and become part of the whole story.

I’ve persevered enough to understand that perseverance is a deal-breaking ingredient to any good life – can’t have what you want without it. We’re all going to have to walk through crap – relationally, vocationally, physically, spiritually, etc. if want to live.

No way around it.

Which might explain why so many of Continue reading Re Your Kids: Never Quit. Never Ever Quit. Never Ever Ever Quit

Reflections on My Cluelessness

I used to work for an organization called “Young Life” that partnered with local high schools to help kids learn about Jesus, life, relationships – just about anything we could do to journey with them as they navigated their teens. It was one of the most challenging jobs I’ve had.

It was also one of the most clueless episodes of my life. I won’t list all of the awkward things I perpetrated there, partly because there’s not enough storage on my WordPress account, and partly because I don’t want to re-hash it all.

However, just to illustrate how bad I wrestle with this…

I went on a date with a friend’s cousin. Nothing huge, no fireworks, neither of us was really into it. At the end of the date, I parked the car in front of her apartment, unbuckled my seat belt, opened the door and started to get out. She got agitated and said, “No. No, it’s OK, you don’t have to walk me up.”

As someone who’s always struggled with social anxiety, trying to figure out norms, protocols, and the myriad games we’re supposed to play, especially the ones that apply to girls, I thought I had run into something new. Maybe girls don’t actually like being walked to their door. Maybe it makes them feel some kind of pressure to invite you in, or kiss you because you went out of your way.

My next date, some time later, with a different girl who worked with Young Life, went way better, until the end when I didn’t get out of the car. I didn’t want to freak her out, or put some kind of pressure on her – I thought I was doing a good thing.

So I sat in the car like an idiot and said “good night.” Continue reading Reflections on My Cluelessness